Yoga. Sound Healing. Angelic Reiki®. Well-being.
“We avoid the things that we’re afraid of because we think there will be dire consequences if we confront them. But the truly dire consequences in our lives come from avoiding things that we need to learn about or discover.”
Shakti Gawain, The Path of Transformation
February has been quite a challenging month for a lot of the people in my life. The darker sides have truly been coming to light. I am lucky enough to have gained amazing guides and tools over the past few years so am now at a point that when these shadow parts come up to the surface of my consciousness, I am excited and happy to get the opportunity to work and clear them. And wow, yes, February held a lot of discoveries for me too!
In my February 12th post, I wrote the following paragraph:
“When a buried part rises to the surface and demands to be seen, it provides an amazing chance for growth- a chance to let go of deep hurts that may have been holding you back for a lifetime (or more…). It gives us the opportunity to shine a light on what is going on deep within us.”
I wrote those words knowing that as I was taking the time to ‘Embrace the Darkness’, huge realisations were coming up for me and that something big would reveal itself soon. And joyfully, during that week, all became clear. I discovered a big fear of mine that I had been unaware of.
I discovered that I have been afraid to be truly vulnerable with others. For me, the fear of being vulnerable equates to a fear of showing others any of my ‘negative’ feelings and emotions- things I think others will judge as weaknesses.
I have worked long and hard to get to the point I am today, where I wholly except myself, all parts of myself- imperfections and all! That does not mean however, that I don’t have days where I ‘forget’ this! Where I want to curl up away from the world. Where I cry and feel sad, get emotional, feel insecure, speak to myself or someone else from an unconscious place, allow the collective conscious rhetoric to enter my mind and needle at me, where being human feels too much.
While those days have of course happened over the last couple of years, I haven’t shared that part of myself with others in that time. Instead, I would retreat, go within, and deal with the thoughts and emotions, knowing they would pass soon. And that’s great and something that is absolutely needed- we are all individually responsible for our own emotional world.
“We must become so alone, so utterly alone, that we withdraw into our innermost self. It is a way of bitter suffering. But then our solitude is overcome, we are no longer alone, for we find that our innermost self is the spirit, that it is God, the indivisible. And suddenly we find ourselves in the midst of the world, yet undisturbed by its multiplicity, for our innermost soul we know ourselves to be one with all being.”
It is deeply empowering to realise that you are all you need in this world. To realise all the answers are within and to truly know in every fibre of your being that there is no separation, that we are all one. It is a place I hope everyone gets to in their lifetime as, to me, it is a vital realisation to make. But there is a difference in looking for someone to take on your problems or give you the answers or make you whole and in sharing yourself with another person.
To never show that side of myself to those close to me, means I am never fully opening up about my world, never fully opening up my heart to others. Never giving others the chance to respond in a loving, caring, compassionate way and giving them the chance to be a support to me as I have been to them.
I see the world in terms of energy flow. I fully appreciate that balanced connections with others is all about give and take, a flow of giving and receiving. In order for me to have deeper connections with those I love, I need to be able to allow that flow to be more even. I need to be able to open up more about my vulnerabilities and seek support from those I trust. I need to be able to truly open my heart in order for me to experience deep and authentic relationships.
So upon making these realisations, I took many opportunities to confront this fear head-on during the month.
I have written deeply personal lyrics in my music, and allowed the emotion to come through as I have sung them. I played this music to a friend who I love and respect and whose opinion really matters to me despite my worrying he wouldn’t like it. I have opened up in a wholly new way with this friend by talking to him about my insecurities. I reached out to a wonderful hypnotherapist friend, and asked for his help in finding a way to tackle this vulnerability issue. I have allowed myself to feel past hurts that once again needed another clearing. I have gone out socialising and stayed open to meeting new people and to romance. I have actioned at least one positive thing every day that relates to this fear. And one of those actions was writing this blog post and sharing my vulnerability with all of you! In doing all this, I can feel how much more I have opened my heart to the world.
“You can’t study the darkness by flooding it with light.” Edward Abbey
This blog is all about positivity. I truly believe there is HUGE positivity in the things we humans perceive as negative. To make these realisations and learn these positive lessons, we must reach down into the darkness, sit in it and ask these parts what it is they need.
My hope in sharing my experience of this month is that it may help someone out there in embracing more of themselves too. To realise that every part of us deserves to be heard and respected and embraced in love. That some parts of us will always be hurt- some parts will bear a scar and every now and then give us pain. And that’s ok. We can acknowledge, love, accept and respect those parts of ourselves too.
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
Every one of us is important, special, worthy. And every one of us deserves contentment, happiness, love, and complete acceptance from ourselves and others.
Be the light and embrace the darkness!
With love and light,